Monday, 20 February 2012

The Wonders of Love






I stumbled on this quote while I was surfing the net earlier. Sorry, typo error in the word "your" but it's still meaningful nonetheless. Oh btw, I'm very particular when it comes to grammar. I've been trained to write and speak without grammatical mistakes to the extent that any mistake I detect in other people's sentences or words annoys me. I mean, it's minimal annoyance but it's still enough to make me realise the mistake. Anyways, I'm not usually someone who talks much about love but I find this particular quote very true and I'd like to live by this if I do get into a relationship one day. 

I'm one who believes strongly in fate. If anything were meant to be, everything would fall into place. It sounds silly, I know -- but it happens. I have yet to personally experience it myself but I believe it exists. I believe that love has a way of telling you if you've met THE ONE. It's just whether you're observant enough to realise the signs when you're with your partner.




Love is not about doing things to show how much you love a person; or being there for each other; or being able to tolerate his flaws; or changing yourself for him. It's about wanting to know every single detail of the person you love and wanting to be with the him because you enjoy the nature of his company. 




You feel that he is someone you can share your life with for all eternity. Love is about not getting bored of the person no matter how much you know about him and you know you're in love when you feel that his flaw is a quality that makes him who he is and it's what strengthens your love for him.




Love is about loving someone for who he is and being able to be yourself around him with these being reciprocated. Love is about not being able to explain why you love a person because the feelings are ingrained in you naturally without your knowledge. 




Love is about being emotionally attached to him despite being with him for many years; when he's not around, you don't feel uncomfortable because you trust him and you want to give him space to live his own life while you do the same and when he is around, you feel warmth, comfort and a sense of belongingness, as if he was never gone. 

It's about constantly feeling that things are right when you're with him and not being able to get over the fact that he's yours and that he can make you feel for him what others can't for them.




Lastly and most importantly, love is a powerful thing that moves you to let go of the person you love even though you know that it hurts because you love him so much that you're willing to sacrifice your happiness for his. 

If I can ever find a man that can make me feel this way, I'm his for life. But hey, that's just me. What do you think?

Till the next time~

Sunday, 19 February 2012

Family




This is dedicated to my family, mainly S and my parents. Thank you so much for being there. I could not have pulled through tough times if it wasn't for you.

To the people out there, appreciate your family members. Do it before it's too late. Tell them a simple thank you and it would light up their day. Don't ever take them for granted because they are the only people who would stand by you if the world comes to an end. 

If you have any problems, don't forget that you can always fall back on family. They are the ones who accept you for who you are and not who you try to be. They will always try their best to pull you up when you're down. I know that there are times when they seem to not care from their actions but the truth is, they do care and that's why they do the things they do sometimes -- for your own good. 

I know I don't have the right to say that because I'm also the type who doesn't realise these things haha but that's something I realised recently and I feel strongly about. My family has been there to hear me out. I think they've suffered enough from hearing me rant on about my studies all the time and my other problems XD

So here's what I promise to do. For mum and dad, I will try my best to do you proud. As for S, I'll try my best to always be there for you no matter how busy I may be. If possible I'll work during my holidays and visit you some day. That or I shall just wait till your graduation. No promises tehee~ I just want to say that I love you all and I hope to see you soon.

Lots of love all the way from Singapore,
Miss Insignificant

Saturday, 18 February 2012

Ranting About Random Stuff

This is something you'll see from me quite often. I rant whenever I want to. At this point, I'm really worried about my studies. It's not that I'm worried I would fail but at the same time I do worry that I would because I have yet to get started on one of the subjects that requires memorising. No doubt, the lecturer did tell us that we could use our own words but I don't trust myself. I know how bad my logic is and I definitely won't be merited for that.

Do you know how frustrating it is when people tell you that you worry too much about your studies because you always end up doing well anyways? Well, I get that a lot. I mean, it's true that I always worry I'd fail but at the end of the day do pretty well but that doesn't mean that I didn't struggle and I didn't work hard to achieve it. Plus luck always plays a part. I can assure you that if I do not study, I would fail terribly. On the other hand, when I do study, I'd do well because I study thoroughly. I'm not one who likes doing things half way.

I mean, logically speaking, if you're already putting in the effort to study, why not put in all your best. Correct me if I'm wrong. Ah, then there's this whole thing about expectations. I recently did pretty terribly for presentation. I've got stage frights. I got commented on how weakly my points were elaborated and illustrated. I guess I wasn't surprised because I've always had trouble explaining things clearly unless they're things I'm absolutely familiar with. That applies for my factual essay writing and report which I will be doing for this exam and I'm no where near prepared. I'm DOOMED.

I'd be really disappointed in myself if I don't do well for my English subject this semester. English has always been the one thing I've been proud of myself for. Apart from that, most people have high expectations for me doing well in it because they feel that I have a good command in English. I think mine is just average really. There are a lot of people out there with better English. I suppose mine is just considered above average for where I came from.

I mean, my lecturer has given me good comments and that makes me push myself to do well. I want to live up to that expectation since I know I can get there. The only thing is that I know by pursuing this, I'd be immensely disappointed in myself if I don't achieve this. I was already put down by my own presentation but I vowed to do better for my examinations and this is why I'm ranting now. I want to quickly start on that subject so that I can do well.

But anyway, the good thing that came out from the presentation was that I managed to stay composed during the presentation although something went wrong with my slides. Had I done a presentation like this in high school, my mind would have just gone blank and I would have screwed my presentation worse than I already have. Surprisingly this time round, I managed to collect myself and finish my presentation relatively soundly. That I've got to say I'm still quite proud of myself for, knowing my own standards. Right now, I'm just taking this as a lesson learned. At least now I know I can somewhat overcome my stage frights and I would be more well prepared for my next presentation.

Meanwhile, I feel pretty homesick. I miss my friends back home. E in particular. I don't really click with the people here. I mean, they speak English but it's like a whole new language altogether. No, not because they speak Singlish but our topics are different. I mean, college is all about making new friends and having the time of you life because you're finally given the freedom and you still have minimal responsibilities. Right now I'm doing none. Sad to say that I really am doing none. I just hope that things would be better in the future, when I do make better friends. I'm still searching, making as many friends as I can.

I should really head back to my school's badminton club soon. I feel so welcomed there. At least I can make friends there and at the same time have fun playing badminton. It is one of my passions after all, apart from swimming and singing. Speaking of singing, sometimes I miss singing with my choir team in high school. It was stressful nonetheless, with all the training and trying to balance my time but heck it was worth it. When you're singing in a team, the one thing you'd love is the team bonding. The harmony we created together was simply beautiful; not because we aced it but because we did it together, as a team and all else fell into place naturally.

*sigh* sometimes I feel that I'm a very boring person. All I care about is doing well in my examinations as compared to last time when all I cared about was having fun and hanging out with my friends. Well, I guess puberty exists for some reason. Now I can actually put everything else aside and just focus on my studies. I really want to do well in life but I guess there are still some things I must learn to do -- one major thing is perhaps finding that balance. I have yet to care about my personal life when work comes into the picture.

I guess that's why sometimes I go to places on my own. I'm so glad I have relatives here. Well, I guess I will start learning from today onwards. I vow to. Anyways, fml I've been blogging for a few hours now and been doing very little studying so....

Till the next time~
CONTINUED...

Yes, the other thing. I really don't understand men and their taste in women, seriously~ They tend to go for the wrong girls. They don't even know a good girl when they see one. The girls they do notice are the obvious ones -- bitches. Sad but true. 

Other times, guys just don't know exactly what they want. That, or they think they know what they want when in fact, what they choose only end up making them unhappy. Let's face it, only girls would know what they want and what guys would and SHOULD want.. 

I guess that's just human nature~ Men are physically stronger but women are mentally stronger. Makes a lot of sense with women's fragile structure. God's fair, none have the best of both worlds =D 

Well, here's a story~ E.w is attached to Ev, the girl he loves but to Ev, it's quite vague how he could fall for her so fast and that feeling stayed for a really long time. Meanwhile, she fell for him too but her love for him slowly depreciated. Unfortunately, it she is the type that gets bored of her man easily if he doesn't make her fall for him over and over again.

It was Ev's first time giving love a shot. She was convinced that she had finally learnt to fall in love and that was why she had said yes to him earlier. However, knowing that she was losing the feeling, she hid it from E.w because she wanted to see how her relationship would progress and telling the truth would ruin that. She didn't want to be a failure at it since they had gotten together for a short period of time.

So the relationship went on without E.w knowing about this. It became one-sided as E.w's love was stronger and Ev's was gradually depreciating. Over time, Ev ran out of things to say and E.w contributed most to their daily conversations. E.w thought things were going smooth but Ev had already seen how this was going to end. She realised that she hadn't had much to say to him and she was just wondering when she would have to face the music. All she could think about was ending things before E.w gets deeply hurt from it.

Meanwhile, E.w was being a real sweetheart, doing all the things that makes a girl happy. Ev felt really guilty for ever thinking about ending things and decided to drag things, to give him a chance. Things got better, or so she thought. Just when she started accepting him despite her parents' disapproval, things went haywire. 

He paid too much attention to her and started being open about the things he was unhappy with; the little things that matter. She knew she wasn't good at this since it was her first time so she apologised and changed for him. Over time, it happened again and all the more she felt that this relationship wasn't right for her. She could neither make him happy nor meet his expectations. Again, she wanted very much to let go but she thought back about the things he had done for her and how much she had meant to him.

So she decided not to let go. Over time, things worsened with assignments being in the way. She was the type who put her work as top priority and that really reflected in what happened to her relationship. All she could think about was work and she reduced talking to him. She started forgetting things about him and he noticed. He felt really neglected and unimportant to her, he started questioning if he was ever her man. 

It didn't help that E.w involved a third party in this. He thought that she was shifting her feelings for him to someone else from the way they interacted. He was beginning to feel paranoid as he thought that it was a two-way thing and he didn't want to lose her. It was never true. She just felt happier talking to him because she was better at talking to new people as friends and they weren't pointing out her mistakes in the relationship. Hence, they could talk about anything that doesn't make her feel down and lousy about herself. That was the part that he didn't realise and made him misunderstand.

E.w and Ev began to have less things to talk about and she was wondering how things would ever work out. All they could talk about was music and online jokes. Apart from that, they talked about assignments. Assignments also took up a lot of their time so there was minimal interaction because he had talked to the other group members more. 

In between these happenings, they had serious talks about where their relationship was going, the one thing that she had already anticipated would happen. Every time they had this talk, she convinced him that she still had feelings for him but she didn't know why she couldn't make him feel like they were in a relationship. It was true although she meant to say it to comfort him. 

As they had more talks about this, he started to realise that she wasn't really into the relationship any more. He realised that he was doing most of the talking and she couldn't open up to him. He kept asking her what he was doing wrong. He still wanted for their relationship to work out. Despite everything she put him through, he still loved her. 

She questioned that. She felt that he could have loved someone else; their group mate J. Him and J got closer from group assignments. They always have a lot of things to say to each other, their conversation would be continual if not almost continuous. They could talk to each other about their problems and are always there for each other. Ev felt that she was just getting in the way of a more beautiful relationship blossoming. Yet, E.w wanted to hang on. He never thought about J being the girl for him despite the similar interests they had and how much happier she made him feel. Ev could never understand this. She felt that if she were him, she would go for her instead because the most important thing to her in a relationship was communication; if there was chemistry. Apparently Ev felt that E.w and J had chemistry from the way they could talk about anything at all. This made Ev more withdrawn but she kept it buried deep down.

One fine day, E.w asked Ev if she really still wanted to go on with their relationship. He told her that he still wanted to go on and that the final decision was hers. He was a true gentlemen. Ev used this opportunity to ask for a break to see how things would go if they were friends again. She did this because she realised that they were better off as friends. Even he realised. 

The both of them realised that everything was sped up the moment they were together. At that point, they felt like they had already been together for years and there was nothing else they could talk about any more, as what happens in most marriages, yet they had only been together for slightly more than a month.   

Ev also wanted to give him the chance to realise that J was a better option for him. She also wanted him to make sure that he knew if his feelings for her were real. She had always questioned that with him falling for her so fast. They had only known each other for 2 weeks when he confessed to her and they got together. Plus, he had just finally gotten over his ex-girlfriend.

They came to an agreement that they would take a break after a special date. However, when Ev was ready to let him go, something happened on that special day. They were about to leave his place after calling it a day and E.w was being his normal lazy self, laying in bed because he dreaded heading out to send her off; he was just teasing. That reminded her so much of her sister, the most important person in her life. She went on playing with his palm with her finger and he tried grabbing it. They had this little playful moment going on and she saw how cute he was lying there smiling at her. That was when her feelings for him came back. That had just made her breaking up with him a lot more difficult.

Days went by and one particular day hurt her badly. She finally discovered jealousy. It was a day like any other, E.w and J were having a normal good conversation. Then, they suddenly went on talking about online jokes which Ev had already grown out of. That was when Ev decided to talk to her sister while they went on sharing those moments they had with that particular website. They were laughing really hard about a joke and when J shared it with her, Ev didn't get it. Little did she expect that to make her feel left out. What was worse, they later found out they had the same injury on the same spot for the same reason. They experienced a total revelation and Ev was out of the picture. That made her feel terrible because she had just rediscovered her feelings for him and there it was, that event mocking her, reminding her that E.w and J had chemistry that they never had as a couple. It made her realise how E.w felt when Ja (3rd party) could make her talk more than he could.

At the same time, that made her feel really upset. She was at the verge of crying while telling her sister about it as it was happening to her. She felt that the right thing to do was to break up with him and let J take her place of making him happy since all she ever made him feel was insecure, stressed and unhappy. As the saying goes, "If you love someone, let him go." She knew she would be deeply scarred but she had to do what was right.

Right now..

She wants very much to tell him everything that she's been feeling but it was very near examinations and he's been really busy with his meetings and his teaching J for exams. He hardly had the time for himself to study, he was feeling stressed and she doesn't want to add on to it. To this day, she's been holding on to her whole speech. She's decided to tell him after examinations for his sake although she feels like she would burst any time soon.

She herself has been feeling somewhat neglected although she knew she shouldn't be feeling that way because she had her own studying to do -- she wasn't supposed to care about anything else but her studies. She feels it because he hasn't been sending her back for two reasons; he's had meetings to attend and he'd needed early rest. Being busy, he has yet to reply her texts. She doesn't know why but most of the time now, their conversations would be really short and he would hardly text her first. 

This somehow makes her feel paranoid because she is so used to chatting with him a lot and having him being there for her all the time, sending her back all the time. At this point, she feels really confused if he is really giving her the space she needs to study (as she mentioned to him earlier about putting work first) while he does his own studying or if he doesn't quite care any more and wants to gradually be relieved of his responsibilities as her man since he knows that they're breaking up soon.

All she can hope for now is that they will end things in good terms and they can still stay as good friends like before they were together. She hopes that when this happens, he will find his happiness with J. Although she secretly wants things to work out with him, she has decided to let go and give someone else a chance to make him happy because that is how much she loves him. There is no point in her holding on when she's making him feel unhappy all the time. She just hopes that she can make him see what he should want; not her but J to be his. 

She just hopes that she doesn't jeopardise their friendship because she's looking forward to working with him and the rest of the team again for the next semester. She really likes her team mates now, Ty especially because they have more common grounds and they think alike. She really wants to establish good ties with all of them to make the best out of her college life while she can.

The story has not ended. It is to be continued some day. 

But hey, that totally proves my point on what men really want. Apparently men in the past and men now have one thing in common; they're still clueless. They cannot see things logically like how us women do when it comes to our emotional well-being.

All I can say is that having heard this story, I think I will be single for a really long time. Unless of course someone proves me wrong but haha, hardly. To this day, no one has been able to do it so I'm happy living my carefree life. 

What do you think?

Till the next time~
Life so far..

Well, life's been incredibly kind to me recently, APPARENTLY. I've been behind studies, my social life's messed up and I'm somewhat homesick. Don't get me wrong, I don't miss my country, just the people I care about who are stuck in that shit hole: My sister, my 3 amazing friends, my parents, my funny maid, and the dog I've always wished I could have.

My Sister 




      


     The best sister you can ever ask for. The one person who knows how I feel and vice-versa. Someone I can trust completely and share my personal experiences, worries, sorrows and happiness with. 

We're always there for each other when either of us are down and we always strike the right balance in our conversations; in other words, we never bore each other. No matter how busy we are, we try our best to keep in touch and be at of each other's best interest. 

The best part is that despite not talking to her for a long time, there's always something to say and we just enjoy each other's company. We've done a lot of stupid things together as kids and I'll always cherish them =D We're literally thousands of miles apart but our relationship stays strong. On the contrary, it has gotten a whole lot stronger with our need to confide in one another. 

Thank you S, I love and miss you much. Hope to see you soon =)

My good friend

     Well, what can I say about her? One word: fate. I met her from a camp which selects its participants and apparently it was compulsory. Having dreaded to go initially, I really take my words back. Had I not gone for this camp, I would not have my this awesome girl who is so much like me.

How alike? We think alike, we act alike, we can complete each other's sentences. Heck, we even know what we're both thinking most of the time. It's like what I say is exactly what she's thinking. Not forgetting, all of this happened in the first week of knowing her. Freaky? Yes. Do I care? No. It's freaking cool =D

She's taken care of me while I was sick there. We got closer and built a really solid friendship. She's now one of my closest and dearest friend. I would say that she's another person I truly cannot live without. 

She's been there when I needed her and vice-versa. In away, she's like my long lost sister who got lost somewhere and joined the wrong family. Hah jokes. She's got an awesome family too. It's just cool how our life experiences are so different but the impact it had on us that made us who we are today, with the same moral values and opinions.

Like my sis and I, no matter how long we have not caught up, we always have tonnes to say. The moment we sit down and chat with each other, we can go on for hours. She's one I can always confide in too and can count on to up my mood when I'm down.

Thank you for being there E. Love you and see you really soon =)

My parents


Those of who without them, I wouldn't be who I am today. I'd love to personally thank my parents for the proper upbringing and education, the family condition when I'm home, the moral support while I'm out here on my own, the lectures and advice, the fun times; for everything since they gave me life. I love you mum and dad. I promise to do you proud =)

Well then, back to my life...

I have a lot of studying to do. Being in a country like Singapore, it's no surprise that my life is all about studying.

I really salute the people here who can really balance their time. Either they are smart or they can manage their time very well and are very disciplined people. Maybe one day I'll learn to do that. 

But for now, I'm at the verge of banging my head against the wall for not being productive. Exam's in 10 days and I have yet to touch my English subject. I know, it's a language subject but it involves a lot of theory and technicalities. Times like this, I wish English was just about the skills in writing and nothing more. 

Sometimes I wish I could just be a journalist but then again when I look back at myself, I feel that I'm not cut out for it. I don't even have the vocabulary. People have commented on how strong my grammar is but never my vocabulary. I guess it's time to up my game, at least during my semester break. 

Oh look at me, ranting on and on from a topic to another. Well, that's just me being random ;D 

What else.. Oh yes, I've yet to catch up with my buddies who are here in Singapore with me. I would really love to go shopping at Orchard with them. It'd be cool to finally hang out in another country with friends and for once without family; it gives a little more edge to it. 

Oh shopping. First of all I've got to stop eating like a pig and start hitting the gym and continuing my sports activities. Well, these I would do after the exams. Then again, I'd be going out to celebrate after exams are over for at least a week before I head back to my home town. 

Alright, I will do that when I get back. Ah, I have but 3 weeks. I hope I can squeeze in everything with the friends I'll be catching up with back home and the pre-studying for my next semester. 

College is a lot of work! Nonetheless, it should be a rocky but fun journey into adulthood. Looking forward to whatever life throws me next, although I'm really suffering and screaming for help on the inside. We all got to stay optimistic right? Well then again, this is all the result of the support from my family and friends. Thank you again all.

The last thing... TO BE CONTINUED. I've got work to do! 

Till the next time~
Profile

Well, what's there to know about me? My blog's name already says it all =D

The only things you need to know:

* I'm 19
* I love English
* I hate pink
* I love my family
* I hate smokers, drug addicts, back stabbers, two-facers ... (you get the idea)
* My life is as effed up as everyone else so golly-jee we're not alone~
* Did I mention that I'm random? Well, now you know ;D

.. and that concludes my profile. 

Till the next time~